Love Train

I’m not the type of mom who walks around pining for yesterday. I don’t spend my days wistfully wishing I could stop time and keep my babies as the itty bitty beings they are today instead of anticipate how they’ll be tomorrow. Honestly, I can’t wait until the phrase “poopy diaper” is no longer in my vocabulary. So imagine my surprise when I got all teary-eyed the other day while watching Kostyn play with his older cousin, imagining him in the older boy’s shoes.

His cousin (whose mom prefers I don’t use his name) is 23 months older than Kostyn, and he and my sister came to spend last week with us to help us out. The boys have hung out several times before, but for some reason Kostyn had hit a developmental milestone between the last visit and this one, and he was suddenly smitten with his older buddy. He wanted to do everything his cousin did. Sing every song, play with every toy, follow every footstep.

One evening the cousin found a piece of ribbon among Kostyn’s toys and the boys made an impromptu train using it, his cousin leading the way around the table, “choo-chooing” as the train’s engine, and Kostyn clutching the ribbon and following as the happy little caboose.

It was truly adorable, and as I watched Kostyn’s face light up, I saw what I hope to be the future of our happy home. I saw Kostyn as the older sibling and Evan in Kostyn’s shoes, sweetly following along. Giddy, giggling, animated. And it made me cry.

At first I thought they were tears of joy, so thankful am I that we’ve been blessed with two boys to grow up together and be each other’s playmate and confidant. But then I realized the lump in my throat was one of distress, created by an overwhelming feeling of dread at the thought of my baby boy not being my baby boy anymore. Kostyn as the older sibling? The leader? The engine??? “Don’t grow up!” the sentimental mother inside me begged. I wanted him to be the cute little caboose forever, even though I have another one waiting in the wings.

I don’t have a real point here, except to say that maybe my friend Guido was right: Perhaps motherhood is turning me into a total sap.


Dee said...

Well Robyn, I love the pics with the cousins....and the could go ahead like your mom and aunt and have a middle car too...ha ha.....make the train longer!!!! Enjoy the boys love ya, aunt DEE

Kim said...

Too adorable. And Kostyn's cousin is looking more and more like his mommy every day! So cute!