The New Me

(Guido, you might wanna skip this one...too sappy for ya ;))

My friend Guido told me a few days ago that since having a kid I've become a total sap.
Guilty as charged.
My boy is only 7 months old and he's got me totally whipped. I make all his baby food (organic whenever possible). I do anything to see him smile — I make funny faces, dance like Elaine Benes (this makes Chris laugh too), spin him around, hold him upside-down, throw his fabric blocks at him (for some reason, he loves this).
Wherever we go, whether it's for a walk around the block or to the grocery store, I talk to him. I don't care who hears me speaking to someone who can't speak back. Someday, he will.
I refuse to let him "cry it out" because I believe that, at this age, you can't spoil a child but you can teach him, by ignoring him, that his voice — that he — doesn't matter much, and that he is, at times, all alone. If I can help it, he will never believe either of those things.
A lot of times, at night and at naptime, the only way he'll fall asleep (or back to sleep) is if he holds my hand. This sounds sweet, and it is. But there are days....days when I'm trying to rush through some editing work while he naps, or evenings when I'm trying to relax and watch a movie or finish writing a column in time for deadline... and when I hear that whimper coming from the other room and know that it will soon lead to a cry for me, there are many times when I heave a frustrated sigh. I plead silently, "No, no, no, no....go back to sleep!" I even roll my eyes.
But then I get up, and go to him, and hold his hand.
And really, what a blessing that is, not a burden.
People — mothers of boys, mostly — tell me all the time to enjoy this stage, when they're young and they fling their arms around you with such innocent adoration. They tell me that there will come a day when Kostyn won't want to hug me, at least not in public.
This makes me sad, because I know it's probably true. And when that day comes, I'm sure I'll pine for just one more night like tonight — when he cries out in the dark but settles instantly when he hears my footsteps at his door, smiles at me when I peer over the side of his crib, grabs my hand, rolls toward it and, eventually, falls asleep.


Tara said...

Oh, Robyn. I loved this. I cried because I, too, have become a sap since having a kid.

(Still like the original blog format best, but hey! It's your blog.)

Heather said...

You're an awesome mother! Kostyn is the luckiest little boy in the entire world!

Jenny said...

That's so sweet about him holding your hand to go to sleep. I sometimes get frustrated having to rock my baby over and over to stay asleep. But this puts it in perspective for me! And I've become a total sap too since having him! Btw, Kostyn is so cute!

Melissa said...

I have tears in my eyes... it is so true. I can't believe how fast they are all already growing!

Erika said...

Hi there! I'm a visitor from BBC June 07 board. I really enjoyed your blog and I have to say I know exactly what you mean... I still have to nurse and rock my little man to sleep every time and I don't yet resent it because I know it will be over all too soon.

Also, I LOVED your Xmas card pic that you posted on BBC, it was truly awesome.

nicole said...

Every word of you described beautifully the love you have for your little boy who is just gorgous.

Nicole from June 07

Amy said...

There is nothing better than being a mom! It's so hard to describe to friends that haven't had kids, you summed it up great. As always.
btw, so glad to hear that Kostyn is 'average'!

julia said...

this was so beautiful robyn!! you've so beautifully been able to put into words how wonderful it is to be a mom. kostyn is so lucky!