When I told my friend Tom (dad to an 18-month-old girl) I was pregnant, he was thrilled for me, but warned me that there would be two types of reactions to the news. Most would be nothing but excitement and well-wishing. But there would be others, he said, who will react with comments and attitudes I wasn't quite expecting. He didn't elaborate, and I thought he was crazy.
I was wrong.
Mostly, people have been as happy for me as my own family was. But there are others out there who lace their "happiness" with words that don't seem all that supportive. I've heard excruciating stories of forceps and stitches and 40-hour labors. I've gotten lectures on breast-feeding and natural childbirth. And I've been told, over and over, gleefully and giggly, that I will get fat. That people can't WAIT for me to get fat. That I'm going to "finally" be fat, from my face to my toes. (Someone actually said, with an almost dreamy smile, "Your face will get fat and everything! You just wait!")
I saw a former co-worker last week who actually poked me repeatedly in the arm, closing her eyes and shaking with happiness as she said "I can't wait to see you get fat!!" She did not say it in a joking manner. Everyone we were sitting with just looked at her in horror. I never knew how many people can't stand the fact that I'm thin.
Last week the editor of my paper refused to use a photo of a pregnant woman being examined by a doctor on the front page. Her belly was exposed, and the editor said "I'm not putting that beached whale on my front page. Nobody wants to see that." When I heard that, it made me want to cry. It's a good thing I wasn't in the meeting when he said it. I've been able to keep these hormones of mine in check thus far (though admittedly the lady poking me almost sent me over the edge), but it won't be long before I no longer keep my mouth shut.
I'd say something tough like "Consider yourselves warned," but nobody who reads this blog has thrown anything but peace and love in my direction. I just needed to vent.
Sigh. I feel better. :) I guess I'll take my skinny ass (with, indeed, a bit of a belly) to bed.
6 comments:
It is amazing what comments come out of some peoples mouths. There is something very wrong within a person when they have to find happiness in causing pain to someone else.
We are sending you all the love and assurance we can. That miracle baby is going to love you no matter what. And she/he will be worth it all!!!!!
Thanks, Lis. It's not like I'm one of those delusional pregnant women who thinks she will not gain weight or not look pregnant. On the contrary, I'm looking forward to it.
But the people who've made those comments are not talking about a pregnant belly.
The people who say those idiotic things obviously have their own insecurities/issues. When they say crap like that, it has nothing to do with you, so don't take it personally. You are -- and will continue to be -- a gorgeous mom-to-be. I only wish I was there to see the glow!
Ask your editor why a beautiful, very pregnant Demi Moore was on the cover of a magazine a few years back. It's time for you to fire back.
Some weight you will gain,
A belly you will get,
But beautiful you always have been and always will both inside and out. It's time to kindly give them hell. Fat is your mother for all the wrong reasons. Gaining some weight when pregnant is for the most beautiful miracle on earth.
Mom
Robyn- I'm a couple months late on responding to this, but ... MAN ... the nerve of some people. You want me to beat them up? 'Cause I will! LOL! I concur with all of these comments. Who cares if you gain weight? And, Robyn, we are opposite body types. And, you know what, I don't care. I love you no matter what! P.S. It's going to be funny to see the reactions of the people who want to see you fat when you shrink right back to your original size. You'll be thin with big boobs, chica! Take that, insecure and jealous bimbos!
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