Trash talk that really stinks

OK, people, here are the rules:

Rule #1: You're allowed to be a fan of any college football team you like.
You don't have to be a graduate of that school to have an affinity for a certain team. I watched the BC-NC State game last night rooting for BC like nobody's business, even though I don't know anybody who's ever graduated from there, and I've never even been on the campus myself.

Rule #2: You're allowed to talk smack on a Monday morning at the office after the team you love has trounced mine.
I love college football, and though I'm not much of a smack-talker, I can respect those who hype their team before and after a big game when I see them at the office or out in the big wide world. Loyalty is key in my book when it comes to your team -- win or lose.

Rule #3: You are Not allowed to call my house right after Penn State loses and trash talk unless YOU ACTUALLY ATTENDED THAT UNIVERSITY, OR ARE A FACULTY MEMBER OF SAID SCHOOL.
If I have to listen to one more voicemail from a "diehard Ohio State fan" (where were you last year, losers?!) who actually attended Bowling Green (who, by the way, got their asses kicked by Kent State yesterday, 38-3), I'm going to throw my cell phone into the ocean. The dude who called me last night is not a close friend, he is merely a former Ohio resident who unfortunately has access to my phone number because I work in a newsroom and therefore have to have my cell number listed on an 'emergency' directory for the whole newsroom to see. The No. 1 team beating the No. 24 team is not, in my estimation, an emergency.
It happened after the Notre Dame game, too. Got a call from a guy who hasn't even worked at the paper for more than a year. He lives in Phoenix and somehow still has my cell phone number. Oh, and did I mention that he's from Kansas, where he went to school, and for all I know he's never been to Notre Dame?
Do you see what I'm saying here? It's not sour grapes. I can take the best trash-talkin' "You need to tell your quarterback that he's supposed to be throwing the ball to the guys in the WHITE jerseys" comments on Monday morning. But if you're calling my house 2 minutes after the game ends, you'd better a) be a friend of mine, not just some dude who I occasionally say hi to at the water cooler, and b) have spent four-plus years of your life and thousands of dollars in Columbus, have intimate knowledge of The Horseshoe, and be a member of the OSU Alumni Association.

I'm just sayin'. I could see that kind of reaction to PSU losing if I was the type who walked around the office all day beating my chest and proclaiming Nittany Lions' world domination. But I'm not. Not even close. I didn't say one word about either of those games beforehand to anyone besides fellow Penn Staters.
So please. For the love of football. Show some respect, and some restraint. You wannabes are really getting on my nerves.


Sheila said...

On behalf of my sister, a Fighting Irish alum, I completely understand the tone of your column. (Although she won't be too happy about your enthusiam for the Eagles last night :) I live vicariously through anyone who attended a Division I football school - my Wildcats were only good enough to play I-AA. But you better believe I'll be trash-talking with all of you come March Madness.

ZFooFoo said...

You go girl!!!

rick said...

I read this twice. Once in Robyn's voice. Then again in Dennis Miller's 'I don't mean to go on a rant, but...' voice. I am just trying to identify which one had more passion. Don't worry about me trash talking PSU. The Hoosiers' (what's a Hoosier?) football team should be playing in Sheila's division. Basketball is a different story, but the subject at hand is football.

Keep up the passionate enthusiasm.

Robyn said...

Thanks Rick. And Sheila, I bet Paula knows exactly what I'm talkin' about, too. I'm sure she has to deal with all kinds of "I'm a fan of anyone who beats Notre Dame" haters.
For the record, if she had called me after that game, it would have been completely acceptable (though kind of strange, since I haven't chatted with Paula in about a decade).