On Guard

Kostyn has been going through a phase where he asks constantly if I’ll keep him safe.

“Mommy, will you keep me safe?” he asks when I tuck him in at night.

“Mommy, sit here and keep me safe,” he says when I make a move to leave our little nest of books and blankets on the couch.

“Mommy! You have to keep me safe!!” he whines for no discernible reason, scrambling into my lap at a moment’s notice.

He hasn't been exposed to anything dangerous or frightening, nor has he watched anything scary on TV, so I'm not entirely sure where this is coming from. But he has been sick this past week, so I think some of it stems from that queasy feeling that leaves one grasping for comfort, wanting a loved one’s arms to wrap around you when you’re not feeling like yourself. When his little head spins and his tummy betrays him, he wants to know I’ll steady his world. And when his imagination moves into dark places when he sees a shadow on his wall at night, he wants to know my eyes see every corner of his existence.

Every time he asks me I tell him I will. “Of course, I’ll always keep you safe,” I say, scooping him into my arms and sweeping his shaggy bangs to the side of his forehead.

“You will always keep me safe?” he asks again, sinking into the comfort of reassurance.

“Yes, always and always. I will always make sure you and Evan are safe,” I say.

And then I say a silent, desperate prayer that God helps me keep my promise.


Lyn said...

Just thinking about what it will be like the first time my kisses and hugs can't heal Leah immediately makes my heart ache...knowing that for the first 4 ears of her life I have been able to makes my heart sing.

Anonymous said...

As parents we know that everything is not so black and white. On the one hand we can do everything in our power to keep our kids safe. On the other, we can teach them how to keep themselves and their loved ones safe. The real answer seems to be in finding the middle ground. Our kids will always want our love, affection, and the security of being in our arms, but nothing will make you happier than seeing them grow to find this out for themselves.