The Landlady

Our landlady is super-sweet, and we’re lucky to have her. But she’s, to put it delicately, “up in years,” and sometimes our conversations can be frustrating. Here’s one, from today:

Landlady: Hello?

Me: Hi, Mrs. Smith, this is Robyn, your tenant on Easy Street*.

Her: ...

Me: Uh, I was calling to let you know the dryer isn’t working.

Her: What?

Me: The dryer, in the basement. You know, the washer and dryer? The dryer isn’t working; there’s something wrong with it.

Her: I don’t have a dryer.

Me (suddenly thinking I should have checked the lease for any mention of who’s responsible for appliances): Um, you mean this isn’t your dryer? Did a previous tenant leave it?

Her: What? Who is this?

Me: It’s Robyn Passante, your tenant on Easy Street?

Her: Oh I don’t live on Easy Street anymore.

Me: I know. I DO.

Her: Oh! Hi! How’s the house? Are you liking it?

Me: Yes, yes, the house is great. Except the dryer isn’t working, and I’ve got laundry that’s either dirty and dry or wet and clean piled up all over the place.

Her: I drove by there the other day and saw pictures drawn on the sidewalk. Did your boys do that?

Me: Um, yes. It’ll wash off the next time .....

Her: I sat in my car and cried. That’s exactly where my boys used to draw on the sidewalk. It’s a perfect spot for that, isn’t it?

Me (relieved my boys weren’t being accused of vandalism): Yes, Kostyn and Evan love drawing with sidewalk chalk. I need to get some new pieces for them; we’ve been using the little stubs of chalk left over from last summer.

Her: That house is full of love. It was always a house of love.

Me: Yes, it certainly is. Now about that dryer....

Her: Oh I don’t have a dryer, sweetie. You’ll have to call a repairman and get yours fixed.

Me: OK, I’ll just let you know how much it is, then? Also, there seems to be some type of leak or spring or something outside. There’s a little bit of water coming up out of the ground, near the kitchen window.

Her: Oh I don’t know anything about that. Just tell me how much it is and I’ll deduct it from the rent.

Me: Um, OK. Do you have any idea who I should call about that?

Her: I don’t know honey. I don’t have a dryer.

Me: Right. Got it. No dryer. It was nice talking to you, Mrs. Smith.......

(*I wish...)


Christopher said...

Wonder if she'd know it if we didn't pay rent for a few months/ever again...

Lyn said...

I swear to god I logged in to say EXACTLY the same thing that Chris did...ha!

Jen said...

Hilarious. I had a super spacey rabbi as a landlord once in college. I called to tell him we spent all our rent money on plane tickets to South America, so it and the next two months' rent would be late and wanted to work something out. His response? "Shalom! Have fun!" End of conversation. Another time he sent a plumber over to fix an electrical problem. Gotta love those landlords.

BraggMedia said...

It's all an act! She's just getting out of the dirty duties of landlords.

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