Pain in the ...

The current bane of my existence is a little pleasure of pregnancy called round ligament pain. Apparently there are ligaments around the uterus that are forced to stretch as the uterus grows during pregnancy. This stretching can cause sharp, stabbing pains in the abdomen and groin when you move a certain way or, sometimes, for no apparent reason at all. It’s a joy.

For those who have never experienced round ligament pain, I can best describe it this way: It’s like having some invisible asshole with steel-toed boots follow you around all day, repeatedly kicking you in the groin. Every time you lift one leg to put on a pair of pants or take off a shoe — *SLAM!!* Kick to the crotch. When you get in your car or stand up from the couch — *POW!!* Punch in the pelvis. When you roll from one side to the other in bed — *BAM!!* Knee to the groin. The stabbing pain lasts for just a few seconds, but it’s followed by this stinging ache that can last a lot longer.

I’m making light of it (because, let’s face it, what else can I do? I’ve only got — God willing — 12 days left...), but seriously, it hurts. I was in tears last night, and I don’t cry easily over physical pain.

I will never again laugh at the part in the movie where the doofus of a comedian finds his ex-girlfriend’s bony knee shoved into his groin (unless he really, really deserved it). Nor will I chuckle at “America’s Funniest Home Videos” clips, of which 50 percent are of some poor fella taking a softball to the nuts.

One MD summed up round ligament pain on a pregnancy Web site with these kind words: “I'm afraid that round ligament pain is one of the phenomena of trying to cram two people into the space of one.” Obviously this doctor is male, and probably spent his childhood getting kicked in the crotch by his little sister. I like her.

5 comments:

Kostyn's Grammy said...

I fondly remember, as if it were yesterday, rather than all those years ago. My middle daughter chose to expand her uteran space by KICKING her poor mother in the ribs under the right breast continually. Did I say continually? You bet! All day and all night. You could actually see the imprint of her little(felt big) foot as she kicked to her hearts content. And this was long before kick boxing became popular. Now I don't wish anyone to have pain, but sometimes paybacks............. Love ya Honey and only a few more days and it will all be worth it. You certainly were!!!!

Robyn said...

No wonder I love kicking our heavy bag so much....what a great workout! I guess I started the routine in the womb.
Sorry Mom....... :)

maureen said...

man i miss you. "invisible asshole" made me laugh outloud. thinking of you and the little one on his way. read "american man at age ten" again for good measure. :)

Ann said...

I can honestly say I remember it like it was just last month...I didn't have it with Sophia, but Charlotte more than made up for it! The great part is it does immediately go away as soon as you baby is born (along with heartburn if you are having that, too). Who knows - maybe Charlotte will become a boxer!! Good luck with the rest of the pregnancy and we look forward to meeting the new little one!

That Nora Girl said...

I went home from work a few times because of this, once in tears. No one told me about round ligament pain until it happened, and it's one of those things that, you know, seems important to mention.

I wish you comfort and health!