I am proof, Mister

Tonight I interviewed an atheist for an article I’m working on, and I found the conversation to be both enlightening and frustrating. It’s difficult to keep the objective journalist’s hat on when you’re listening to someone who rejects all religion as being “a brand of mental illness.” To each his own, but it’s hard not to take that as a put-down of my own mental capacities, being the spiritual person that I am.

He was telling me about raising his daughters, ages 15 and 20, to be atheists despite his wife’s Christian beliefs, which is the scope of my article (the challenges of raising children in one faith or another — or, I guess, raising them to be faithless — in a household where the parents have different spiritual beliefs).

Toward the end of the conversation he said, “If (someday) they find Jesus, that’s their life.” But he was quick to add, “If they come home and say, ‘I found Jesus,’ I’m gonna press ’em for evidence.”

Evidence? At first I thought, “Man, the evidence of God is all around us. How can he not see it!”

But then I thought, “Needing proof is soooo not what religion — what faith — is about.”

I mean, faith is a piece of cake when things are going your way, isn’t it? When all your dreams are lining up, you can point to the heavens and say “He did it.” When you get that promotion or new job, when your CT scan comes back clear, when your baby’s born healthy. In your heart, those blessings can really feel like “proof.” And I’m sure, in a way, they are.

But life continually teaches us that faith is not about proof. It’s not about getting the results that we desire, the things we think we deserve, the blessings we believe will make our lives happier or easier.

Anyone who reads this blog regularly knows that Chris and I have struggled to meet our mortgage and sell our house in South Carolina these last several months. And when the “Today Show” picked OUR HOUSE to be featured, out of the thousands and thousands on the market across the country, boy did that feel like an answered prayer. And when a woman in California saw it on TV and put an offer on it two days before Christmas, well that was just about all the proof we could handle that God had everything under control. Here was the evidence, astounding as it was, that He was looking out for us, and that our house was finally sold — on His time, not ours.

Our mortgage company approved the sale, the closing date was set, and paperwork was being signed ... all steps that had us sending up prayers of thankfulness, finally able to breathe a sigh of relief and look toward our future here in PA.

Proof.

And then three days ago the woman pulled out of the deal. Her ex-husband had just taken her to court and the judge ruled that if she moved out of state, she’d lose custody of her son. And just like that, the turn of events we were sure was an act of God (I mean, the freakin’ “Today Show”?! Al Roker talking about our house, showing pictures to the world of Our Furniture??! You gotta be kidding me!) suddenly seemed like a dead-end.

It was the third time someone had put an offer on the house, only to withdraw it, and I’m not gonna lie: When I got the call from our Realtor, I hung up the phone and sobbed like a little girl whose puppy had died. I threw a great big pity party for myself that lasted most of the evening. (Seriously, you should’ve seen the size of the brownie sundae I ate that night. And I never turn to food in times of crisis. Wine? Yes. But food? No.)

But then I bucked up and realized that faith is faith. We either have it or we don’t, and God help us if we lose it. Luckily, I’m nowhere close to losing it.

So, our credit might land in the crapper, and our retirement funds might be nonexistent, and we might not be able to buy another house for seven years. But I promise you that at the end of the day, my last thoughts are ones of overwhelming thankfulness for all that we do have, and all that is promised to us in the future.

I still think the "Today Show" segment was an act of God. I still have faith that He has a plan for us, and for that house. Right now His plan might seem like it’s a hundred years and a thousand miles away from our plan, but I’m willing to bet that once it’s made clear to us, it will seem completely obvious.

Like proof.