I'm thrifty, damnit. And I have a headache.

It's official: I am an eBay idiot. I am currently trying to "win" a Pottery Barn duvet cover (any guy reading this who doesn't know what that is, ask your wife. I don't have time to explain. I have bidding to do!) and I am realizing that I'm not cut out for it. I've lost two other duvet covers to people who appear to be professional "eBayers" who seem to singlehandedly keep this entire Web site alive. I swear they must stare at their computers 24/7, hitting "refresh" every 3.7 seconds to make sure they're still the highest bidder. I think people buy stuff they don't even want, just because they think they can turn right around and sell it to someone else. And, admittedly, they probably can.

Meanwhile here I am, increasing my bids a buck at a time, like the cheapskate that I am, and getting nowhere. But what am I supposed to do? Isn't eBay supposed to be a place to buy stuff for a good deal cheaper than if you got it at the store? I'm not about to set my 'highest bid' at $40 higher than the current bid, just to guarantee victory. Sure, I'd probably win, but I'd be pissed off that I paid that much. And I simply can't set an alarm and make sure I'm at my computer 5 minutes before the bidding ends to duke it out with havnolif87 over a couple of striped shams.

I think my problem is that I can never decide what a reasonable "highest bid" is. I mean, I'm cheap -- not to mention the fact that I recently chopped my salary in half -- and I'm on eBay because I want a DEAL, not a mere 10 bucks off the price of a duvet cover from pb.com that at least comes with a guarantee that nobody ever slept (or worse) on it before me.

Ech, I fear I'm just not cut out for this. If anyone has any inside tips (you know, like you've figured out a way to make yourself the highest bidder and then somehow hide the item so that nobody else on the Web site can find it to bid on) I sure would appreciate it. The bidding ends in 17 hours and 22 minutes. And right now, I'm actually winning.