The changing universe

So, Pluto’s no longer a planet. I always had a hunch that I was fed a lot of crap in third grade. I wonder what else Mrs. Morschauser (rhymes with schnauzer, just ask any third-grader) taught us that wasn’t really so. I mean, this isn’t the first time I’ve learned she was a liar.

Let’s review the facts as they’ve come to light:
1. The tale of the first Thanksgiving is basically a farce, right down to those ridiculous paper hats.
2. The only time I ever need to use cursive writing is when signing my name, and that doesn’t even have to be legible.
3. I don’t have a lovely singing voice.
And now,
4. The tried-and-true mneumonic device My Very Eager Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas is now just another nonsensical sentence.

Turns out Dodgeball was about the most useful thing I did that year. At least that game taught me stuff that actually still holds true: Stay out of the way of objects that are hurtling toward you at breakneck speed; try not to piss off the most obnoxious people in the room; lay low in a crowd until the idiots around you construct their own demise; and know that you don’t have to take somebody out at the knees in order to win — instead, just stand strong, look them in the eye, smile, and catch whatever it is they hurl at you. Best way to win.

Maybe third grade wasn’t useless after all.


Anonymous said...

Nice book, huh? :)

Robyn said...

Awesome book. :)
I highly recommend it, though it might depress you once you realize how much crap you were spoon-fed in grade school.

ZFooFoo said...

Just a small example of the reasons why I am so adamant about home schooling my son. It's also why I am so glad to have Luis to be the primary history teacher in the family, he has such a deep understanding of the GLOBAL view of historical events and timelines.