The changing universe

So, Pluto’s no longer a planet. I always had a hunch that I was fed a lot of crap in third grade. I wonder what else Mrs. Morschauser (rhymes with schnauzer, just ask any third-grader) taught us that wasn’t really so. I mean, this isn’t the first time I’ve learned she was a liar.

Let’s review the facts as they’ve come to light:
1. The tale of the first Thanksgiving is basically a farce, right down to those ridiculous paper hats.
2. The only time I ever need to use cursive writing is when signing my name, and that doesn’t even have to be legible.
3. I don’t have a lovely singing voice.
And now,
4. The tried-and-true mneumonic device My Very Eager Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas is now just another nonsensical sentence.

Turns out Dodgeball was about the most useful thing I did that year. At least that game taught me stuff that actually still holds true: Stay out of the way of objects that are hurtling toward you at breakneck speed; try not to piss off the most obnoxious people in the room; lay low in a crowd until the idiots around you construct their own demise; and know that you don’t have to take somebody out at the knees in order to win — instead, just stand strong, look them in the eye, smile, and catch whatever it is they hurl at you. Best way to win.

Maybe third grade wasn’t useless after all.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Nice book, huh? :)

Robyn said...

Awesome book. :)
I highly recommend it, though it might depress you once you realize how much crap you were spoon-fed in grade school.

ZFooFoo said...

Just a small example of the reasons why I am so adamant about home schooling my son. It's also why I am so glad to have Luis to be the primary history teacher in the family, he has such a deep understanding of the GLOBAL view of historical events and timelines.