Ah, the memories

Chris tells me all the time that as the mom to a little boy, I am Kostyn’s first and longest love. I’m sure that when he’s grown and left the nest he will feel a special bond with me, a sense of safety in my arms. Perhaps when he looks into my eyes he’ll even have a vague, subconscious memory of the tender loving care I gave him in these first months of his life.

But he won’t remember the everyday stuff. He won’t remember the clothes I washed, dried, hung on tiny hangers, wriggled onto his body, snapped and unsnapped, snapped and unsnapped, snapped and unsnapped, sprayed with stain remover, and washed again.

He won’t recall the hours we spent at the grocery store as I hemmed and hawed over every decision on what to buy for him. Aisle after aisle, should I get the whole grain crackers? Are those really whole grain? What about whole wheat? Butter flavored? Mini size? The ones marketed to toddlers? Low salt? No salt? Will he hate those? I’d hate those. I’d like these. But he shouldn’t have these....

He won’t remember me stumbling into his room at 1:30 a.m. to comfort him when he cries. Or sitting with him from 2:30 until 4:15 a.m. when he can’t get back to sleep. Or getting up again to nurse him at 5 am when he wakes yet a third time in one night.

I WISH he’d remember the meals. Steaming and cutting veggies, preparing tiny pasta shells with organic cheese, dicing fresh and frozen fruit, preparing whole milk yogurt with no-sugar-added all-fruit preserves...only to watch half of it end up in his bib or thrown on the floor, every meal ending the same way — with me on my hands and knees, retrieving whatever bits of my hard work the dog didn’t even see fit to eat.

Nope. Won’t remember any of it. Here’s what he will remember: Everything his Daddy did for, to and with him. Every gift Daddy gave him, every trip they took, and every silly inside joke they shared.

The great thing about parenthood is that if you had a great childhood, you get to relive it through the eyes of your kid. And if you had a sucky childhood, you get a giant ‘do over.’ You can choose to take your life, and your child’s, in a totally different direction than the one from which you came. Kostyn is blessed with a dad whose childhood was so magical he wants to relive it.
And relive it he shall.

And really, nothing could make me happier. I will always remember our mother-son stuff. But I want Kostyn to remember the father-son stuff. And it warms my heart to know he’s got a dad who will make sure that happens.



Chris was playing a little wooden flute for Kostyn, so Kostyn decided to "play" his drumstick. Gotta be like Daddy....

Sweepin' the floor

We've already got the little guy helping around the house.

Fringe benefits? A confession? Maybe both.

This afternoon, when the bakery worker at the grocery store called out, "Ohhh, what a darlin'! He needs a cookie!" upon seeing my smiling son in the shopping cart, I could have said "Thanks, but no thanks."

But I didn't.

When she called over another worker to fetch him a sweet treat from the bakery, I could have said, "No, no, he's only 10 months old ... still a bit too young for cookies. Thank you anyway."

But I didn't.

When that second worker asked, "Chocolate chip or sprinkles?" I could have said, "None, thanks. He doesn't eat chocolate yet."

But I didn't. I said, "Chocolate chip, please." (I think I may have even glanced down at Kostyn for effect, as if he might have had an opinion, or even knew what sprinkles are, or could even say the word "cookie.")

Then I hid that cookie from my son, swerved my way into an aisle out of sight of the bakery, and enjoyed every bite.

Seeing red. Finally!

Happy Equal Pay Day, ladies! Today's the date that women finally have earned as much as men earned by Dec. 31 of the previous year. AAUW Educational Foundation research recently found that just one year after college graduation, women earn only 80 percent of what their male counterparts earn. Ten years after graduation, women fall further behind, earning only 69 percent of what men earn. Even after controlling for hours, occupation, parenthood, and other factors known to affect earnings, the research indicates that one-quarter of the pay gap remains unexplained and is likely due to sex discrimination. Over time, the unexplained portion of the pay gap grows.

The fact that women in this country still make 77 cents for every dollar a man makes For Doing The Same Job is bullshit. Someone calculated that the missing 23 cents for every dollar translates, roughly, to about $700,000 in the average American full-time working woman’s career that’s never paid to her.

I wrote about this a couple years ago, but it's worth mentioning again, as the situation hasn't gotten any better. As I mentioned previously, it's not like I'm going to burn my bra or anything. But I DO want my $700 grand!

Some recent pics

Here's one of Kostyn's favorite shirt (heh)....



...and one of Kostyn's favorite hobby (you can see one of his drums in the background, but he prefers daddy's)...



...and Kostyn's favorite facial expression lately (I think my mother thinks she taught him to do it, but this picture was taken a good week or so before she arrived. I'm not sure why my son crawls around scrunching up his nose and smirking, as if he smells his own stinky diaper, but I still find it cute.)

Pincer Grasp Overdrive

Some time ago Kostyn started pinching my arm while he's nursing. I realize that when a child with seven teeth is breastfeeding, I should be thankful that the only pain being inflicted is on my arm. But it's annoying and sometimes, ya know, it hurts! The kid's got a strong pincer grasp. He can crush a Cheerio with a single pinch.

Anyway, when he does it I usually just remove his fingers (again and again and again), with an occasional, emphatic "Ouch!" thrown in for good measure. But today when he started pinching me, instead of removing his hand I watched him. His brow was furrowed in concentration, so I followed his gaze to see what his tiny thumb and forefinger were really up to. And that's when I realized that he hasn't been trying to test my patience or my threshold for pain.

He's been trying to pick up my freckles.

I'm gonna say "chocolate" lab...

Labrador Retriever: The Caretaker

Your family is what makes you tick, and you never "flea" from an opportunity to hang out with the whole gang. A family picnic complete with hot dogs, deviled eggs and a refreshing swim in the lake is hard for you to stray from. Your sparky temperament and dogged intelligence mean you are not only a blast to hang out with, but great to work with as well. Your close pals appreciate your patience and forgiveness, knowing you'd rather let sleeping dogs lie than dwell on the mishaps of the past. Your dashing good looks may one day lead to a modeling career, if only you can tame the unfortunate clumsiness that sometimes causes you to go flailing from the catwalk.

(I was hoping for "mutt." They're my favorite. But labs are nice, too.)

Catching up with Seven Strangers

I stopped watching The Real World five seasons ago. Austin, Denver, Key West, these locations mean nothing to me. I didn’t even know there was a Sydney season. But while channel-flipping the other night I came across the “Real World Awards Bash” on MTV and was instantly sucked in. Back to the drama, the hookups, the insanely narcissistic cast members. I couldn’t get enough of seeing what they look like now, and then reading online what they’re doing now. I was bummed that MTV didn’t bother to get a Then and Now update for every single former Real Worlder, because I think some of the more intriguing ones would never bother to attend such a pathetic “bash.”

Still, there were a few nuggets I gleaned from watching part of the show (and checking out some stuff online). For anyone else out there who used to be a fan, but then grew out of it, here's some of what I discovered:

• Eric Nies (New York) showed up to the bash looking like they’d just rescued him from three years on a deserted island where he spent his time eating beetles and talking to a volleyball. Yo Eric, would it’a killed ya to shower and shave?!

• Pam and Judd (San Francisco): Still married. Still not diggin’ the Puck.

• Teck (Hawaii) was on an episode of “Friends.” Teck?

• I had no idea Frankie (San Diego) died last year, due to complications from cystic fibrosis. She was 25.

• Any guy who was known for his locks on his particular season has shaved himself bald. Landon (Philly), CT (Paris), Teck (Hawaii), Adam (Paris), Malik (Back to NY)... it looked like a Marine Recruiting Officer had breezed through town.

• Coral (Back to NY) is still a bitch. Oh, and apparently she’s now a lesbian.

• Steven (Seattle) was there with his “longtime partner” and fiance, Sheldon. Way to call that one, Irene.

• Beth (Los Angeles) is still showing up to these things. She did nothing for her season, nobody has liked her on any Challenge or Gauntlet, yet she continues to cling to whatever marginal spotlight she can throw herself under on MTV.

• Amaya (Hawaii) is now a brunette. I didn’t hear her say one thing. I still found her annoying. If you think I’m judging her too harshly, here’s the text accompanying her “now” photo online: “At KarmaAir.com, an Internet radio station, Amaya Brecher co-hosts The Cosmic Sutra, in which she and a psychic discuss ‘why things are the way they are based on the stars,’ and Stargazing, a gossip show about how celebs can ‘use planetary activity to their advantage.’” You dodged a bullet there, Colin.

Did You Know 2.0

Makes me wonder what kind of perspective Kostyn will have fresh out of childhood. Certainly a very different one than I had...

My Little Drummer Boy, v. 2.0

And so it begins.