My hospice patient died yesterday. I’d been visiting her every week since last June, which means suddenly there’s a strange space in my everyday life that just yesterday was filled.
As a hospice volunteer, I know from the start that the person I’ve been assigned to visit is going to die, supposedly within six months but usually much, much sooner than that. But our conversations are very much alive, so although the reality of the situation is in the back of my mind at all times, I really am able to enjoy the time that we have.
But the day comes, eventually, when each one slips away.
The hardest part about hospice, for me, is not knocking on a stranger’s door to offer my help. It’s not seeing someone I care for die, and it’s not watching their loved ones say goodbye (although that is a special challenge). The hardest part for me is the fact that after sharing such intimate moments with someone, I am virtually dismissed from the person’s life with no chance to grieve among others who knew her. I get a quick call from the hospice office with word that my patient has just died, and beyond a phone call to the family to see if there’s anything I can do to help them, that chapter of my life is closed for me by someone else. No longer needed, thank you very much, that will be all. Privacy rules dictate that I can’t share the patient’s identity with anyone, and I don’t have pictures of her to hold close. Nobody else I know even knew her.
So the images and stories and feelings we shared have nowhere to go, they just sit silently in a corner of my heart, among the memories of the other patients I’ve known and lost. Luckily, it’s a big corner, and there’s always room for more. So I wait with anticipation for my next assignment.
But I’ll never forget you, Miss Sarah. I won’t forget the way you corrected my grammar, gossiped about your neighbors, or threatened to launch a spoonful of peas across the nursing home’s dining room. I won’t forget the light in your eyes when you talked about your daughter, or when you told me of the day you flew a plane. Or, most especially, the first time you told me you loved me. Or the last.
I loved you too.
That's what I like to hear...
From espn.com: "Linebacker Paul Posluszny has attacked his rehab like one would anticipate from the Butkus and Bednarik Award winner. Posluszny suffered a partial tear of his medial collateral ligament in the fourth quarter of Penn State's Orange Bowl victory over Florida State. He and offensive tackle Levi Brown are on the 2006 watch list for the Lombardi Award, presented to the nation's best linebacker or lineman."
Thank God, is all I'm sayin'. After losing 25 lettermen -- 13 on offense and 12 on defense -- we need all the Pozlusznys we can get.
What kind of pie are you?
There are some things in life you don't realize you don't know, until the question is posed to you. Funny thing is I don't even really like cherry pie. Perhaps I should give it another shot.
| You Are Cherry Pie |
 You're the perfect combo of innocent and sexy Those who like you enjoy a contradiction |
False Alarm
Well, it looks like I won’t be a two-time author after all. At least, not yet. The editor wouldn’t budge on the due date for the "Planning a Wedding on a Shoestring" draft, and it just seemed nearly impossible for me to write a 350-page book in less than three months.
I’m not used to saying “no” to a project (especially one with a fat paycheck at the end of it), so turning it down was really hard to do. But piling it on my plate alongside a full-time job (and I don’t mean the kind that only takes up 40 hours), volunteer work I'm already committed to, the occasional workout at the gym and the delusion of actually spending time with my husband and friends was just too much to juggle. I would have had to give up things like my “Lost” obsession, and my monthly e-book club chats with the gals. And that was just not gonna happen. Plus, it’s almost beach season here!
Anyway, thanks to everyone who already sent e-mails with wedding stories and money-saving tips. I’ve saved them all in case another project comes along in the same genre. Judging from your responses, you’re all a bunch of cheap bastards. Just like me. :)
PS- Thanks to Kim for trying to earn me some cash. Please keep me in mind for future stuff!
I’m not used to saying “no” to a project (especially one with a fat paycheck at the end of it), so turning it down was really hard to do. But piling it on my plate alongside a full-time job (and I don’t mean the kind that only takes up 40 hours), volunteer work I'm already committed to, the occasional workout at the gym and the delusion of actually spending time with my husband and friends was just too much to juggle. I would have had to give up things like my “Lost” obsession, and my monthly e-book club chats with the gals. And that was just not gonna happen. Plus, it’s almost beach season here!
Anyway, thanks to everyone who already sent e-mails with wedding stories and money-saving tips. I’ve saved them all in case another project comes along in the same genre. Judging from your responses, you’re all a bunch of cheap bastards. Just like me. :)
PS- Thanks to Kim for trying to earn me some cash. Please keep me in mind for future stuff!
Tick Tock
For all you worriers, hypochondriacs, and those who just like to plan ahead, I came across the Death Clock today. Takes all the guesswork out of it. You just punch in a few figures and Voila! It spits out how much time you’ve got left to live.
When I said that I was “optimistic,” my “death date” was June 24, 2062 (bad news, honey, looks like I’m gonna kick three days before you turn ... really, REALLY old). But when I switched it to “normal,” my death date leapt to April 26, 2052. That’s 10 more years of life just for walking on the sunny side of the street! (with sunscreen, of course)
Best part about the site is that the clock automatically starts winding down. You can see the seconds of your life speeding toward zero. I mean, sure it seems like a lot of time when you’ve got 1,454,632,296 seconds left. But damn, I wrote this post, and suddenly I only have 1,454,632,004 seconds left!
I’m gonna try really hard not to sleep in tomorrow.
When I said that I was “optimistic,” my “death date” was June 24, 2062 (bad news, honey, looks like I’m gonna kick three days before you turn ... really, REALLY old). But when I switched it to “normal,” my death date leapt to April 26, 2052. That’s 10 more years of life just for walking on the sunny side of the street! (with sunscreen, of course)
Best part about the site is that the clock automatically starts winding down. You can see the seconds of your life speeding toward zero. I mean, sure it seems like a lot of time when you’ve got 1,454,632,296 seconds left. But damn, I wrote this post, and suddenly I only have 1,454,632,004 seconds left!
I’m gonna try really hard not to sleep in tomorrow.
Which version would we post in a courthouse?
I interviewed a Catholic nun yesterday for a story I’m writing on the 10 Commandments. She rocked my world by telling me that the Catholics, Protestants and Jews each group the commandments differently. I must be living under a rock, because I did not know this. I thought they were universally the same 10 rules. I feel like an idiot.
Turns out that although they Are the same overall commandments, if you asked three people — one Catholic, one Methodist, one Jew — to rattle off all 10 of ‘em, they’d have different answers. And they’d all be “right.” (That is, if they could name them at all, which is a whole other issue...)
Is there anything in this world we can all agree on? Anything?!
Turns out that although they Are the same overall commandments, if you asked three people — one Catholic, one Methodist, one Jew — to rattle off all 10 of ‘em, they’d have different answers. And they’d all be “right.” (That is, if they could name them at all, which is a whole other issue...)
Is there anything in this world we can all agree on? Anything?!
Another book?!
So I think I might be writing another book. This one would be “How to Plan a Wedding on a Shoestring.” It would be only the second book written in a new “On a Shoestring” series (same publisher as my first book), but I’d get royalties on this one! So be prepared to add this to your collection of books you own but will most likely never read.
Waaaay back in 1999, I had intimate knowledge of this topic (I got my dress from a Discount Bridal Service for 400 bucks). But it’s six years later and anyone who knows me knows that my memory sucks.
That’s where YOU come in. In the next few months, I’ll be picking your brains about everything from your wedding favors to your honeymoon. I’d love to hear all your wedding stories -- how you planned it, and how closely to your plans, dreams and expectations the actual day was. Which things were you most proud of? Which do you wish you’d done differently? And most importantly, how did you save money? (My friend Laura reminded me of one of her wedding day money-saving mantras: “Gravy makes it go farther.”)
To keep it simple, I’ll probably post a new blog entry for each chapter and topic I’m working on. So check back to this site regularly, e-mail or post your wedding stories, and I’ll make you famous!
Waaaay back in 1999, I had intimate knowledge of this topic (I got my dress from a Discount Bridal Service for 400 bucks). But it’s six years later and anyone who knows me knows that my memory sucks.
That’s where YOU come in. In the next few months, I’ll be picking your brains about everything from your wedding favors to your honeymoon. I’d love to hear all your wedding stories -- how you planned it, and how closely to your plans, dreams and expectations the actual day was. Which things were you most proud of? Which do you wish you’d done differently? And most importantly, how did you save money? (My friend Laura reminded me of one of her wedding day money-saving mantras: “Gravy makes it go farther.”)
To keep it simple, I’ll probably post a new blog entry for each chapter and topic I’m working on. So check back to this site regularly, e-mail or post your wedding stories, and I’ll make you famous!
America's favorite pastime
You can blame this blog on fatty foods and my friend Morgan, who’s been pestering me for some time to create one of these things. He says my friends and family would get a kick out of my musings, and my life. I think he just wanted me to have an alternate outlet for my snide remarks so I’d stop bothering him with them.
Either way, the last straw came when I sent him a link to this story about the creation of a new burger, loaded with cheese and bacon, that uses a sliced glazed Krispy Kreme doughnut for a bun.
The inventors were astute enough to know that both burgers and Krispy Kreme doughnuts are by definition messy, so they’ve thoughtfully placed the sticky side inward, which glazes the fried pork and greasy beef patty with a healthy layer of melted sugar.
At 1,000 calories a pop, it’s the perfect complement to your Diet Coke or Bud Light at the ballpark.
Would you like fries with that?
Either way, the last straw came when I sent him a link to this story about the creation of a new burger, loaded with cheese and bacon, that uses a sliced glazed Krispy Kreme doughnut for a bun.
The inventors were astute enough to know that both burgers and Krispy Kreme doughnuts are by definition messy, so they’ve thoughtfully placed the sticky side inward, which glazes the fried pork and greasy beef patty with a healthy layer of melted sugar.
At 1,000 calories a pop, it’s the perfect complement to your Diet Coke or Bud Light at the ballpark.
Would you like fries with that?
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